The stream started with a black screen, a green logo staring out at viewers.
“I want it on record that I think this is a terrible idea and I’m only doing this to mitigate the damage,” a modulated voice said.
Someone laughed. The black screen shrunk, moving to one side as five other video streams popped up, filling the screen. All the videos showed varying views of Gotham. One was very obviously perched across from Wayne Enterprises, the logo shining into the night. Others showed random buildings or rooftops.
“Don’t be like that, O,” a cheerful voice said. “What B-man doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
“But it will hurt you when he inevitably finds out about this,” ‘O’ said.
“He’s off-” the new voice paused for half a heartbeat before correcting, “-duty. He won’t notice anything.”
O made an exasperated noise but changed the subject. “Alright, introduce yourselves to the world, Red.”
Barbara chose Tim’s video feed, blowing it up to fill the screen. They had only a few viewers so far, which wasn’t surprising. It wasn’t like anyone expected Gotham’s vigilantes to be streaming on Twitch. Even so, those numbers grew steadily. Probably because she was using a brand new account only named “Oracle”. It was a well-known fact in Gotham that the Oracle name was impossible to get, no matter what social media it was on. Most of the viewers were probably hopping on to see the account get taken down or its name mysteriously changed. Petty? Maybe, but Barbara was allowed to be a little petty now and then.
Tim’s camera feed shifted until it was staring into the reflective windows of a skyscraper. They had very carefully selected his position for the beginning of the stream for that exact purpose.
Tim waved at the building. The cameras in his mask very clearly showed him in full gear. The chat exploded.
HOLY sh*t
no way no way
is that?????
“Hi guys,” Tim said, grinning. “Red Robin here.”
IT I S
RED ROBIN????
I can’t believe this
This has to be fake right????
that’s a hell of a cosplay if its fake
“We decided to have a bit of fun,” Tim continued, oblivious to the viewers losing their collective minds on Barbara’s screen, “and give you all a glimpse into our night life! Oracle’s going to be managing our screens-”
“Under duress,” Barbara added, watching their view count skyrocket. They hit 10,000 in under fifteen minutes. Someone must have been posting somewhere else. She pulled up twitter. Sure enough, the very first tweet in the #OnlyInGotham yelled “#OnlyInGotham DO THE BATS LIVESTREAM THEIR PATROL ON TWITCH” followed by a link. It was being reblogged like mad, mostly with comments yelling “HOLY sh*t ITS REAL”. And Tim thought they could keep this from Bruce. Barbara snorted and turned back to the stream.
“-Nightwing here!” Dick was saying cheerfully. He waved his glove at the camera, which meant he was currently standing on a building waving at his own face. Barbara stifled a laugh and pulled up her connection to the city’s cameras. It might be good to add a few external perspectives to this mess. Mask cams could only catch so much.
“And on the bottom right we have Black Bat,” Barbara added. Cass’ camera jerked as she nodded.
OMG THE BATS
i can’t i can’t i can’t
BLACK BAT THE QUEEN HERSELF
“It’s a quiet night tonight,” Barbara continued, glancing at her crime feeds. “So Red thought it’d be a good time for this.”
“Gotham deserves to see what it looks like from above,” Dick said softly. As if to prove his point, his camera moved toward the edge of his building. Barbara quickly blew up his video feed. Gotham stretched beneath Dick’s feet, lights gleaming, the hustle and bustle distant and quiet from so high up. “They deserve to know they’re worth protecting.”
Immediately, about 50 clips of that moment dropped. Barbara glanced at Twitter and, sure enough, the clip was going viral instantly. The chat was equally touched.
OH MY GOD
I’m f*cking crying dude
nightwingggggggg we love you
A loud snort came from Steph’s mic. “Okay, Shakespeare.”
“You’re embarrassing yourself, Nightwing,” Damian said stiffly.
Dick sighed, long-suffering. “None of you appreciate me.”
WE APPRECIATE YOU NIGHTWING
especially dat ass :eyes emoji:
omg the sibling energy is off the CHARTS
“If anyone deserves the title ‘Shakespeare’ it’s Hood,” Dick said, putting on an offended tone.
DID HE JUST
HOOD???? as in RED HOOD???? THE C R I M E L O R D?????
Hood is more Shakespearean than THAT???
clearly youve never heard hood in a fight
and you HAVE????
i live in crime alley dude
“You’re the one soliloquizing over Gotham,” Tim said, his grin audible.
“Right,” Barbara said, getting them back on track. “Since this was Red Robin’s idea, it only seems fair that…” she paused for a long moment, then leaned into her mic, “he’s it.”
The camera feeds exploded into action, jerking around as the Bats scattered. Dick laughed, bright and happy, and Barbara blew up his feed as he dove off the building.
HOLY sh*t
Are they playing TAG???
thats so dope
OH MY GOD DON’T FALL :scream emoji:
hOw cAn they just dO THAT????
She waited just long enough for Dick’s grapple to catch and for him to swing into an arch toward the next building before switching the feed to Red Robin, who was creeping along some alley. “Private comm line with Twitch, Red,” she said. Only Tim and the audience could hear her now. “Who are you going after?”
“Batgirl,” Tim murmured. His camera swung up the side of a building, studying a fire escape for a second before he slid around a corner instead.
“Not taking the rooftops?” Barbara asked, glancing at the other Bats’ feeds. Nothing but them running so far.
OMG YEAH BATGIRL
my fav bat!!!!
Red Robin is so hot
“She’s teamed up with Black Bat,” Tim said grimly. “I’d bet a week in discowing on it.”
Barbara laughed. “A week in discowing, huh? You’re very sure.”
DISCOWING????
:eyes emojis:
What?????
some of y’all aren’t old enough to remember the Good Old Disco Days where Nightwing walked around with cleavage and a high collar and that’s sad
he W H A T
“Don’t you dare tell them, O,” Tim said, video feed jerking up to glare at a security camera. Barbara smirked and switched the feed to the camera’s, so the whole internet could see Red Robin glaring up at it. “I swear to God if you tell them just to make me wear it-”
“I won’t meddle,” Barbara promised. “Gotta go, something’s going on with Robin.”
She opened the comm line back up to everyone, shrinking Tim’s video back down so she could see everyone’s feeds at once. “Do you need assistance, Robin?” she asked.
Dick’s feed froze. “Robin?” he asked, instantly on alert.
“I do not require assistance,” Damian hissed. Barbara blew up his video just as Damian felled a man with a vicious kick. “While you are all busy with a game, I have prevented a mugging,” he said as he zip-tied the man. He turned and offered a hand up to the woman pressed against the wall. He kept his head tilted down, so her face wasn’t visible. “Hello,” he said, voice just a bit softer. “You are safe now. Would you like an escort home? I can walk with you or follow from above, if so.”
The woman stuttered out an awkward thanks and denied his offer. Damian lifted his head once she had left the alley. “Oracle, call it in,” he ordered, shooting his grapple.
“Following her anyway?” Dick asked, voice fond.
“Of course, I am not a fool,” Damian said. “I will ensure her safe return home.”
OH MY GOD
Robiiiin
I love him so much
:sparkles emoji: Nightwing’s voice :sparkles emoji:
Thank you for protecting us Robin!!!
A metric ton of heart-eyed emojis streamed past in the chat. Barbara switched the feed over to Cass, who was crouched quietly on a building, the head of a gargoyle just visible past her feet as she looked down at the city.
“Good view, Black Bat?” Barbara asked. Cass tapped her comm once for yes. “It’s a beautiful night.”
Cass raised her hands before her face, hesitated a moment, and then signed, “Quiet. Good night for fun.”
BLACK BAT SIGNS???
a QUEEN
she’s so sweet :crying emoji:
Tim's voice had Barbara quickly moving back to the full screen view.
“Oh Batgiiiirl,” Tim sang, creeping around on a rooftop. “I know you’re heeere~”
oh sh*t I just got chills
dude’s voice is CREEPY
Barbara glanced at Tim’s tracker, right on top of Steph’s, and pulled up the camera feed in the corner of the roof. Thank God for the people who point cameras at the roof in hopes of catching a glimpse of the Bats. It made what came next much more satisfying to watch.
Tim turned a corner and Steph lunged away, flinging a gooperang toward him. He dodged and gave chase. They both dove off the building seconds later, and Barbara quickly switched between cameras to follow their progress.
OH sh*t OH sh*t
RUN BATGIRL
get her RR!!!
Steph managed to evade Tim for a few more blocks, but then he managed to pin her cape with his bo staff, use said staff as a fulcrum, and whip himself around to wrap his legs around her midsection, bringing them both crashing to the ground, Tim sitting on top of Steph. They were both panting and Barbara switched back to Tim’s mask cam just in time for him to boop Steph on the nose. “You’re it,” he said, grin audible in his voice.
I’M SO GAY
holy f*ck
That was like a Black Widow move!!!!
he can straddle me any day
f*cking BOOPED her. We stan
Steph grunted and sat up, shoving Tim off her. Barbara switched to her mask cam as she flipped Tim off, pushing her middle finger into his face. Tim laughed and batted her hand away.
“Better get a move on,” he said, standing and tossing her a co*cky salute as he pulled his grapple out. “Later.” He disappeared off the side of the building.
“Stupid staff,” Steph grumbled. The internet found this wording very amusing. “O, you wanna give me a hint about where anybody is?”
“That’s against the rules, Batgirl,” Barbara said, glancing at everyone’s trackers.
“Ugh.” Steph started running over the rooftops, grumbling to herself.
The next 20 minutes were quiet on the tag front. Barbara switched between feeds, encouraging discussion on safe topics, and Batgirl arrested two people robbing a convenience store. The viewer count just kept climbing, and there were several clips going viral on other social media sites as well. Barbara was particularly fond of the clip of Steph screaming “Respect the pouch!” while bashing a robber over the head with a box of Capri Sun.
“We’re near the Bowery and the Alley now,” Steph narrated quietly. Barbara kept her on a private comm line so the other Bats wouldn’t hear. She was nice like that. “Betchya I can find Robin somewhere around here. He always beelines for where he’s not supposed to be and-”
She cut off as an agonized scream rent the air.
“Going dark,” Steph said.
“Roger that,” Barbara agreed, cutting her feed from the Twitch stream. “You’re dark.” They had agreed before patrol started that any particularly sensitive situations wouldn’t be videoed. The mugger was spur-of-the-moment, but Damian managed to maintain both the mugger and victim’s privacy regardless.
NOO
DON’T GO DARK
guys they’re respecting people’s privacy. would you want YOUR face plastered all across the internet when you’re getting attacked???
Show us the badass bats!!!
Barbara ignored the chat, keeping a careful eye on her personal video feeds. Steph was doing fine, but it was better to be safe than sorry.
She commed Dick on a fully isolated line. “Steph’s gone dark. I need something for the stream to focus on for a bit.”
“Lucky for you, I’ve got a guy stealing tires,” Dick said cheerfully enough, though she could hear a hint of worry for Steph in his voice. “Keep an eye on her.”
“Copy. Switching to yours now.”
The chat calmed down a little as Nightwing appeared on the screen, jumping off another building. He used his grapple the absolute minimum amount to not hurt his joints, and Barbara rolled her eyes at his dramatics. But she was grateful for them in this case, since it meant she could focus on monitoring Steph.
“Hey, man,” Dick said casually, leaning against a lamp post. He kept his gaze tilted at just the right angle that the man’s face was out of shot, just like Damian had done.
The guy jumped about a foot and raised his hands in surrender. “N- Nightwing!”
“How about you put the tires back on, huh?”
The guy’s whole body jerked in a shaky nod.
Dick moved forward. “Here, I’ll help.”
The thief paused, visibly confused, but he re-bolted the tires as Dick held them in place. He made to run once the tires were back on, but Dick grabbed his shoulder.
“Please, man, I was just-”
“Trying to make a living,” Dick said calmly. “I get it. My…acquaintance had to get by the same way. I know how hard it can be. Here,” he reached into his utility belt and pulled out a roll of money, counting out a few hundred dollars. “Will that help?”
The man took the money, jaw hanging open. “I- uh- y-yes, thank you.”
“Of course. And here,” Dick held out a card. “Wayne Enterprises has a bunch of programs that can help. Supplies, safe places to stay, job training, interviews. Even if you have a record.”
“Th- thank you,” the man’s voice was breathy and weak.
Dick clapped him on the shoulder. “Good luck, man. Have a good rest of your night!”
“Yes- you too!” the man called as Dick grappled away.
Barbara smiled softly at the screen. The chat seemed to feel the same way.
guys…….
and THATS why I don’t buy the bullsh*t that the bats don’t help people
um is anyone else concerned that they just….let a criminal GO??
he was desperate, man, you saw him. He just needed some help to get back on his feet.
f*ck the cops, we need more people like THIS
I got one of those cards two years ago. Now i’ve got a proper job, an apartment, and a fiancé. One kind action can change lives.
“I’m good to come back on,” Steph whispered.
“Copy, you’re back,” she said, reconnecting Steph’s comm and camera.
SHES BACK
BATGIRL!!!
WHAT WAS THE SCREAMING????
Are you ok???
“The public wants to know if you’re okay, Batgirl,” Barbara said.
“All good,” Steph whispered. “Sorry for disappearing. The situation was being handled.”
Barbara raised one eyebrow, glancing at the questions running down the side of her screen. “Anything you can share?”
“You’ll see…now,” Steph hissed, lunging around a corner.
“Ah,” Barbara said, suddenly understanding Steph’s vague statement. The Red Hood was strolling out of a building, twirling a knife in one hand. The knife and his gloves were soaked in blood, his boots splattered.
OH sh*t
that’s not good
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
Doesn’t he chop off people’s heads?!!?!?
Run Batgirl!
Kick his ass!
Steph raced forward. Hood paused at the sight of her. “Batgirl?”
Steph lunged the last few feet, slapping her hand resolutely on the red bat on Hood’s chest. Hood tensed, helmet tilting as he looked around for threats.
“What-?”
“You’re it!” Steph yelled triumphantly. Immediately she turned on her heel and sprinted away.
There was a moment of stunned silence and then Hood yelled, loud enough to be heard through Steph’s mic, “Batgirl!!”
Steph cackled.
I….
what the f*ck
is anyone else seriously worried about Batgirl now???
are the bats and hood….friendly??
no way, he’s a literal crime lord!!!
Hey, f*ck off. Hood takes care of us in his territory! He saved my brother from traffickers
…anyone notice how he didn’t even try to attack her even when she was running at him?
Barbara chuckled and patched Jason’s comms into the livestream. “Hey, Hood, welcome to the livestream.”
“The what?”
Barbara got a great shot from a security camera of Hood with his hands on his hips, radiating confusion and disbelief. “We’re live-streaming on Twitch,” she said, purposefully casual. “It was Red’s idea.”
“….oh Batman’s gonna kill you.” Hood sounded gleeful. “He might actually break his number one rule.”
“f*ck off, Hood,” Tim said.
“Right back atchya.”
“Does that mean you don’t want to be part of the livestream?” Barbara asked.
“We’ll only mock you forever for being a puss* if you don’t,” Steph said.
Hood rocked back on his heels and looked directly at the security camera. “You kidding? A chance to piss Batman off and tackle Red into a dumpster? I’m in.”
Tim yelped in protest but everyone else just laughed.
“Patching your mask cam now,” Barbara said. A seventh video feed appeared on the screen. “Red got Batgirl who got you. Happy hunting.”
“You f*ckers better watch out,” Jason said, feral grin obvious in his voice.
“And you better change those gloves before you try to tag anyone,” Steph said. “I don’t want some random person’s blood on me.”
“Blood?” Dick inquired, punching a mugger’s nose in. Barbara had seen the move coming and blew up his feed for that second. The irony was too good to miss, and from the clips that immediately started dropping, the internet agreed.
“Serial rapist,” Jason said proudly. “I made sure he couldn’t, ah- reoffend.”
…..am I actually agreeing with a crime lord?
does this mean what I think it means?
Hood once castrated a pimp on my street that was hurting his girls so…I’d say yes
damn
There was a moment’s pause before Cass tapped her comm once. Steph barked a laugh. “I agree with BB. Couldn’t happen to a better person.”
“Guys I don’t think we’re giving the internet the best impression,” Tim said. He slowed to a stop on a rooftop, cape whipping around him in the breeze.
“The f*cker’s lucky I left his hands,” Jason growled.
“Moving on,” Dick said, cuffing his mugger to a lamp post. “Hood, prove to the others that you’re more Shakespearean than me.”
“Excuse me.” Jason’s voice was flat and unimpressed.
“The internet doesn’t believe it,” Barbara chimed in. “Nightwing got all emotional earlier, I can show you the clip later. It’s going viral on…every social media site.”
“Yeah, do your Macbeth thing,” Dick said.
“I’m not f*cking doing Shakespeare on tiktok.”
“Twitch.”
“I have street cred,” Jason continued, ignoring the interjection.
“Anyone who says ‘street cred’ doesn’t have any,” Tim chimed in.
“Excuse me, which one of us controls the East End?”
“The same one that’s a total nerd.”
“Lies.”
“Hey Hood, Clytemnestra was a total villain, right?” Dick asked sweetly.
“Do not even go there, you dick,” Jason snapped. “Clytemnestra was right to kill that f*cking child-murdering bastard.”
“Okay, but she totally merced that other girl too, and she didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Cassandra was innocent,” Jason allowed.
“So…villain.”
“Misogyny,” Jason countered. “God forbid a woman kills her child-murdering, cheating husband without being totally evil. Nooo, it was the ‘will of the gods’ and so Agamemnon was right and Clytemnestra gets f*cked over and we have to show that by making her do something super evil.”
“Last week you told me it was an illuminating example of how hatred can twist a person until they become the very thing they hated in the first place,” Steph objected.
“It can be both,” Jason shot back. “But misogyny is always a good guess, especially with the Ancient Greeks. Aeschylus f*cking had Apollo say that women aren’t really parents, they’re just walking incubators that hold men’s children and then he gets Athena, the powerful woman in the room to agree. I betchya if Wonder Woman showed up back then he’d be eating his words.”
Wtf
I am learning about ancient greek literature now??? I guess????
All highschool students rn: write that down! write that down!
I can’t believe that The Red Hood is ranting about literature on Twitch
He castrated a rapist and hates ancient misogynists, Hood supremacy CONFIRMED
Hood is a feminist damn
I want a tv show, a podcast, a youtube channel, a book series-
Red Hood’s a f*cking NERD lmaoooo
don’t let him catch you calling him that
“‘Street cred’,” Tim snickered.
Red Robin’s back appeared in Jason’s camera feed. Barbara barely had time to blow up that feed before Jason said, “That’s it!”
Tim jolted, turning around. He was too slow. Jason’s boot caught him dead in the chest. “This! Is! Sparta!” Jason bellowed.
“Hooooood!” Tim shrieked as he fell off the skyscraper.
OH sh*t
DID HE JUST
lmaooo the QUOTE
is Red Robin ok??????
Jason casually walked up to the edge and looked over, catching sight of Tim grappling onto a lower building.
“f*ck you, Hood!” Tim panted into his comm.
“You’re it, Red,” Jason said, vicious grin audible. He turned away from the sky scraper, meandering off in the other direction. “Oh, speaking of the Spartans, you know why their civilization died out?”
“Because they spent too much time in slow motion?” Dick suggested.
Jason chuckled. “It’s because they refused to trade with the other city states or countries. Didn’t consider them ‘good enough’. He propped a foot on the parapet of his roof. “So, what lessons have we learned from the Ancient Greeks today, kids?”
Barbara pulled up a security camera feed just so everyone could get a good look at Hood ticking off the lessons on his fingers, helmet tilted to the side. “Don’t be a child murdering bastard. Don't be a misogynistic piece of sh*t. And don’t be a f*cking racist.”
“I can see the school posters now,” Barbara deadpanned. “Right up next to the ABCs.”
I may be forced to stan a crime lord
I want one of the posters
someone make the poster
Wait, I’m a graphic designer! This is my time!
Drop the link!!
dude id pay actual money for one of those
The next 30 mins were quiet, quiet enough that Barbara focused more on reading comments. There was a common thread. “Do you think we should open up donations?” she asked, drumming her fingers on her desk absentmindedly. “We could set it up that if you donate your comment gets read out and we can respond to it.”
OMG DO IT
PLEEEEAAASE
TAKE MY MONEY
Dick hummed. “I mean we could?” He sounded a bit dubious.
“It’s not like we need the money,” Tim pointed out.
“I’ll just make it a dollar,” Barbara said, tapping keys. “That way there’s still a filter so we don’t get spammed but it’s not ridiculous.”
Tim laughed. “Oracle, have you ever watched a popular Twitch stream?”
Before Barbara could answer, her computer blew up with donations, her program struggling to read them all. “Ah, sh*t,” she muttered.
Tim’s laughter echoed through the comm. “You’d have more luck making it 50.”
“50?” Hood yelped. “Not everyone has $50 just laying around. That’s classist.”
“Hood if you’d like to come moderate these, you can be my guest,” Barbara muttered, shutting down the donations again. “Sorry, everyone. Clearly we need to set a few more restrictions to make this manageable…” She trailed off in a hum as she typed rapidly, altering the website’s code. “Alright,” she said. “Read donations now cost $20—all going to charities of course—and I’ve got filters on.” She folded her hands. “Any sexual references or threats will be rejected. The donation will bounce so you won’t lose any money but trust me, my filters are very good so I wouldn’t recommend wasting your time.”
“Sexual references?” Jason asked dangerously.
“Ah yes, another reason to watch your manners,” Barbara said cheerfully. “Hood, do online messages of a sexual nature count as harassment when the recipient hasn’t agreed to it?”
“Yes,” Jason growled.
“And we all have just had a lovely demonstration of what Hood does to sexual harassers,” Steph chimed in gleefully.
Jason got his knife out for the sole purpose of twirling it dramatically in front of his mask.
Damn ok
…..that’s hot tho
THANK YOU! Finally someone realizing how creepy it is!!! Just because someone’s a public figure doesn’t mean they consent to being creeped on!!!
“Guys, let’s not threaten the entire internet,” Dick sighed.
“It’s an excellent point, though!” Steph argued. She swung past a reflective building and Barbara blew up her feed in time to catch her waving at her reflection. Clips started dropping instantly. “Don’t be assholes, guys! Easy peasy.”
“Alright,” Barbara said. “Donations going live-”
Tim pinged her for a private line.
“I’m just one moment,” Barbara finished smoothly. She quickly isolated Tim. “What’s up, Red?”
“I’m coming up on Robin,” he whispered.
“Thanks for the heads up,” Barbara said, blowing up his feed. “Your comm’ll be reconnected in three, two, one.”
Tim’s camera showed him perched on a fire escape. His reflection was just visible in the window beside him. He slowly crept upward.
Ooh who’s he gonna get??
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
Why are the bats so aesthetic
Tim slithered over the side of the roof, completely silent. He paused, staring at the floor for a moment, then twisted around the side of an air conditioning unit. Robin whipped around, sword already drawn.
OOOH IT’S ROBIN!!!
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
YAAAS
that sword good grief
He’s baby
Tim met Damian’s attack with his bo staff, metal shrieking against metal. Barbara pulled up another security camera—one benefit of having a city so packed with crime was that security cameras were everywhere.
“Ohoho,” Jason laughed, recognizing the sound of bo staff on sword. “Now this’ll result in injuries.”
“No injuries!” Dick objected.
“Light stabbing,” Damian offered.
“A little blunt force trauma,” Tim added.
“No.”
“Spoil sport,” Tim muttered.
“For once we are agreed.”
They’re SIBLINGS your honor
Omg rivalry off the charts
I’m totally clipping that exchange lmaooo
Me @ my sister
Damian led Tim on a merry chase across several city blocks. Eventually, though, Tim managed to corner him. He didn’t bother with theatrics, like he had with Steph. He yanked Damian’s feet out from under him with his staff and smacked Damian on the leg on his way down, almost getting his hand cut off for his efforts. “You’re it!” he panted, immediately running away.
Damian let out a bellow of rage and gave chase.
“No tag-backs, Robin,” Barbara reminded him. “Find someone else.”
Damian muttered angrily but let Tim go.
Omg good job RR!
He nearly got his hand SLICED OFF
nO hesitation
This is the most cut-throat game of tag ever. Literally!
Barbara turned back to the donation settings. “Donations going live now,” she said.
Immediately messages began pouring in.
“Thank you for everything you do!” the computer read. “You make our lives better :heart emoji:”
“Aw, thank you,” Dick said, leaning against one of the letters in WE’s logo. “We don’t do this job for praise, but it’s always nice to hear that we’re making a difference. It can be hard to see that there’s good sometimes, when all you do is fight the bad.”
A flood of heart and crying emojis flew by Barbara’s screen.
“Where’d you learn to fight so good?” the computer read.
“A lot of very talented teachers,” Tim chimed in. “Whose identities are classified, for obvious reasons.”
“And a paranoid Bat,” Steph added.
“Batman is not paranoid,” Damian snapped. ”Do not besmirch his honor!”
There was a moment of silence.
“Sorry to break it to you, kid, but Batman is very definitely paranoid,” Jason said. “And I’m saying that as another very paranoid person.”
“It’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you,” Tim interjected.
Cass tapped her comm in agreement.
“See, Black Bat agrees with me!”
Dick sighed. “We’re all very healthy and well-adjusted individuals,” he informed the internet.
Babs let another donation come through. “WHY are you working and playing with RED HOOD?!?!? He chopped off people’s heads!!!”
“That was ages ago,” Jason complained. “Get over it. It’s not like they didn’t deserve it.”
The internet didn’t seem to know what to do with that statement.
Cass tapped her comm quickly three times to signal that she wanted attention. “Better now,” Barbara translated as Cass signed. “Helps now.”
“Also, we’re vigilantes,” Dick pointed out. ”Our whole deal is that we work outside the law in ways the cops can’t. Like working with a semi-benevolent crime lord.”
“Don’t f*cking call me benevolent.”
“Hood you have a hashtag called ‘HeroHood’ where people talk about how benevolent you are, I think we’ve crossed that bridge,” Barbara pointed out.
Jason paused. “…I do?” he asked, voice soft.
Barbara blinked. “You didn’t know that?”
“I don’t have Twitter or Instachat or whatever the f*ck,” Jason said, defensiveness coming back into his voice. “How was I to know?”
“Instachat,” Tim wheezed.
“f*ck off.”
INSTACHAT
KING
Hood wHaT
I dOnT hAvE iNsTaChAt
Ok boomer
Ok but his voice went so soft and surprised guys :crying emoji:
I’m not going to get emotional over a crime lord
Keep telling yourself that
“Next question,” Barbara said before Jason could get any more embarrassed and thus violent.
“Your team was a lot better with the OG Batman, Robin, Nightwing,” the computer read. “sh*t went downhill when you started bringing in girls. It’s not like they’re strong enough to hold their own.”
There was a moment of very tense silence.
“Excuse me?” Steph demanded.
“What the f*ck-”
“First off, the first Batgirl was there before Nightwing-”
“Hey O, drop me the address and I’ll make that asshole eat his words.”
“Black Bat,” Barbara said sweetly, ignoring the outraged spluttering over the comms. “I believe there’s a mob deal going down three blocks west of you. Marconi and the Triads, looks like. Armed and highly dangerous. Feel like a little exercise?”
Cass tapped her comm once. Barbara blew up her feed. Cass darted over the rooftops like a shadow, and soon she was leaning over the edge of a roof, watching a cluster of six men, all of whom were visibly armed with vicious-looking guns. Barbara switched to an external security feed, getting a perfect view of Cass dropping off the building. She landed directly on a Triad’s shoulders, sending him staggering. Cass used that momentum to fling herself at the next man. She dodged and weaved between them, flickering in the shadows like a wraith. It was easier to track her by the groaning and staggering of the men than by actually being able to see her. In less than 30 seconds, all six men were unconscious.
Cass looked directly at the security camera. “Easy,” she said.
HOLY sh*t
IM SO GAY
A QUEEN WE STAN
my poor bisexual heart
HELL YEAH
f*ck that guy, you’re doing amazing
“And that asshole is blocked,” Barbara said, clicking the button with relish. “No, Hood, I’m not giving you his address.”
Jason grumbled.
“Do you have day jobs?” the next message read.
“Yes,” Dick said. "Obviously I can’t tell you anything more."
“What he said,” Steph said.
“Ditto,” Tim agreed.
Cass tapped her comm twice.
“Black Bat does not,” Barbara translated for the audience.
“I have no need for a ‘day job’,” Damian began.
“Because he’s too busy being a middle schooler,” Steph interrupted.
Damian hissed angrily.
“Hell no,” Jason said. “This is my job. Do you guys think being a crime lord is easy? This sh*t’s full-time.”
“I do have a real, legal job, because I’m a responsible adult with a life,” Barbara said pointedly.
“Oy!” Jason protested.
Lmaoooo
Called OUT
she took him the f*ck out
rip Red Hood 20XX
“‘Least I don’t have to pay taxes,” Jason said.
“That’s dangerous,” Tim muttered. “That’s how they got Al Capone.”
“Al Capone was a puss*,” Jason shot back.
SHOTS FIRED
Hood please that’s AL CAPONE
I want that on a tshirt
“Next donation,” Barbara said cheerfully.
“Please help,” the computer read, and Barbara could feel everyone stiffen. “My dad’s hitting my mom and he’s not stopping. I live at-”
Barbara quickly cut off the message, making sure it couldn’t be seen or heard by their very, very large audience. She wasn’t about to let some poor scared kid doxx themselves to the entire internet.
“Oracle?” Dick asked, voice very cold.
“On it,” she said, quickly searching the address and tracking the payment. She connected to the computer the donation had been made from and activated the camera. A kid was sitting in front of the computer, looking pale and scared. A record of suspicious hospital visits and noise complaints popped up on another monitor.
“Looks legit,” she said. “Nightwing, Hood, you guys are closest. Transmitting the address now.”
“Going dark,” Dick said, quickly followed by Jason.
Barbara let the stream go unattended, shutting off her comm connection to Twitch and focusing on Jason and Dick. “ETA?”
“Five minutes,” Jason grunted.
“Three,” Dick said.
“You know the drill,” she said. “Priority is protecting the kid and mother.”
They did know the drill, but she was grateful that they didn’t point out her hovering.
Dick arrived at the building and slipped through the back window she directed him to. He crept down a hallway. There were definitely shouts and the sound of fists on skin coming from the living room up ahead.
“Outside,” Jason rasped. “Where are you, ‘wing?”
Dick took a cue from Cass and raised his hands to sign in front of his face, knowing Barbara could see it.
“He’s heading to the source of the disturbance,” Barbara told Jason. “The kid’s room should be…” she tapped a few keys, “two windows to your left.”
Jason obediently moved to the new window, peering inside. Sure enough, there was the kid, still staring at his computer. Barbara watched as Jason gently rapped on the window. The kid jumped and looked up, eyes widening. He scrambled to his feet and opened the window. Jason whispered, “You okay, kid?”
“Yeah,” the kid said. Barbara could see a bruise disappearing under his tshirt sleeve. “But mom’s not.”
“Nightwing’s gonna help your mom,” Jason said, dropping to a crouch. “My job’s to make sure you’re okay. What’s your name?”
“You’re clear to move in, Nightwing,” Barbara said.
Dick nodded and darted into the living room. He barely paused long enough for Barbara to make out the woman slumped against the wall and the man standing over her. Then he launched himself at the man, bringing him down hard and fast.
“Why don’t you try hitting someone a bit closer to your size,” he snarled, slamming the man’s head into the ground. That dazed the man enough that Dick could flip him over and securely zip tie his arms and legs. Then he went back for the woman, gently pressing his fingers to her neck.
“I’ve got a pulse,” he said, relieved. “But she definitely needs a hospital.” There was a trickle of blood coming from her hairline, and Dick had no doubt she’d be black and blue tomorrow.
“Copy, calling it in. Cops and ambulance ETA ten minutes.”
“You were so brave contacting us,” Jason was saying to the kid. “I’ve got some cards here that you can show your mom when she wakes up, okay? If you call these numbers someone can help you get back on your feet, okay? And this one can help you get a good lawyer for free, so your dad can’t hurt you again.”
“Thank you,” the kid cried, hugging Jason around the neck. Jason rocked back a little but then steadied himself and hugged back. Barbara couldn’t see anything except the kid’s hair, but she could hear Jason reassuring him quietly.
She hated to ruin the moment. “Hood,” she said softly. “Cops are two minutes out. You should get out of there.” The cops would take an abuser from Nightwing without protest. But Red Hood was still a wanted man.
Jason sighed. “Right,” he said. “Come on, kid. We’re gonna go out and you’re gonna wait with Nightwing for the ambulance and the cops, okay? He'll make sure you’re safe, I promise.”
The kid sniffled but nodded, wiping his eyes. “Okay.”
Jason passed the kid over to Dick and headed back to the roof, only pausing to give the dad a vicious kick to the stomach on the way. He wished he could have taken the man down, pounded the lesson in a bit more, but the kid was right there and the cops were on their way, and Jason’s desire for revenge wasn’t more important than their safety. He sighed, watching the flashing lights pull up to the building.
“You good to reconnect, Hood?” Barbara asked quietly.
Jason took a deep breath and shook himself. “Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat. “Let’s not keep our adoring fans in suspense.”
Barbara reconnected them both to the stream, leaving Dick off until he finished with the cops and paramedics.
THEYRE BACK
WHAT HAPPENED
is the kid ok????
I’m about to die from stress please tell us!!!
Is the mom ok??
Where’s Nightwing?!?!?
“Family’s safe,” Jason said briskly. “Abusive piece of sh*t’s in custody. Mom and kid are on the way to the hospital to get checked out.”
“Nightwing’s supervising to make sure they get there safe,” Barbara added to address the questions rolling down the side of her screen.
THANK GOD
You guys are HEROES
I’m so glad that kid’s message got through!!
Barbara was too. Thankfully, they didn’t get any more messages like that, even as she started screening for messages containing the word “help” or addresses. The rest of the messages were more casual, like “How many Robins have there been?”
“29,” Jason said instantly.
“That’s classified,” Damian said.
“One, obviously,” Tim said. “Robin is an eldritch being formed from the smog and grime of Gotham itself.”
I KNEW IT
lmaooo
It’s the creepy giggle that gives it away. Not human.
If the giggle is the sign, why hasn’t it giggled in so long?
Wait so you’re saying an eldritch being goes to middle school?
Twilight realism confirmed???
“Do not encourage such rumors!” Damian said. “I have already been pursued by three teams of so-called ‘spiritual experts’ seeking to study me. They were idiots and amateurs with no real connection to any mystic powers whatsoever.”
“You’re just such a demon that they have to ask,” Tim said snidely.
“Keep arguments off the livestream,” Barbara reprimanded.
Dick pinged to be reconnected.
Lmao siblings
NIGHTWING’S HERE
YAY NIGHTWING
“Mother and kid safely off to the hospital and father safely off to jail,” Dick said.
“I am glad you are well, Nightwing,” Damian said, and Barbara blew up his feed. Damian landed on the same roof as Dick. Dick turned to look at Damian, who did an awkward shuffle and offered his arms out for a hug. Dick brightened and stepped forward, gently wrapping his arms around Damian.
“Thanks, buddy,” he said softly. A flood of heart emojis and crying emojis streamed through the chat.
“Nightwing?” Damian asked after a moment.
Dick hummed happily.
“You’re it.”
OOOOOH SNAP
DID HE JUST
oh my god the emotional manipulation
COLD BLOODED
Lmaooo this kid
True little sibling energy
The other Bats were howling just as much as the chat. Steph was standing on a parapet when Damian dropped that bomb and laughed so suddenly that she toppled herself right off.
“Does that mean Nightwing has to get Black Bat?” Jason asked.
All the Bats oooh’d.
“Sucks to be you, ‘wing!” Steph called.
“You’re doomed,” Tim said faux-solemnly. “Forever marked a loser.”
“I can still get one of you guys,” Dick reminded them.
“While Nightwing is coming to terms with his loss,” Barbara said—Nightwing squawked in protest—“we still have a lot of donation messages to go through. Let’s see…”
She went to pull up the next donation when a message shot to the front of the digital line. “Shut it down,” was all it read. Everyone paused.
“Uh, O?” Tim asked nervously. “Who was that last message from?”
Barbara grimaced. “There was no donation attached. It’s just marked ‘B’,” she said.
IS IT-?
BATMAN?????
BATMAN IS HERE???
Oh they’re f*cked
Steph audibly gulped.
“He’s back early,” Tim said faintly.
“I’m out,” Jason said. “Good luck, f*ckers.” He disappeared from the livestream.
“Right,” Dick said, trying to sound cheerful and confident. “Thanks everyone for tuning in. It was fun hanging out with you all. Um, I’m sure Oracle can work something out with the donations we didn’t get to. So, uh-”
“Now,” another message popped up, despite Barbara having shut down donations.
“Bye everyone!” Dick yelped. “Have a good night!”
The screen went black as the stream ended.
